PSA: All About Space
Hi. I'm internationally-renowned Space Grifball star Freelancer York from the popular planet, Paradisa.
I'm South Dakota, fucking awesome Space Stealth compeitor and future winner - same stupid planet.
I'm Freelancer North Dakota, and I'm not sure why I'm here, to be honest.
And I'm Church...from where ever the hell this is.
We're here today to tell you about something many of you have heard about, but few have witnessed - until now. Space. The final fronti--oh wait, that's copyrighted.
It's just awesome, you'll see. Right, North?
[Totally unsure...] Right.
For those of you who don't know what space is, it's dark, cold, and has no air. And that seems to be more or less the same for this planet Zargon, too. That means you shouldn't go outside without proper protection. That means a space suit. Of course, it looks like they didn't give us any, so stay inside.
If you do wander otside without protection, your eyeballs will explode. Don't say we didn't warn you.
And no one likes exploded eyeballs...gross.
Guys...
The second thing you have to worry about is no gravity. Now, I know we have gravity here, but once we get up to the station, we're going to be shit out of luck. I hope you've all practiced your Space Sports in zero-G.
[South huffs.] Yeah, Maladict, gravity. Let's see what you think of it when it's not there.
You may not know what gravity is, either. It's what keeps your feet on the ground - so if you have to go out in the zero-gravity environment, make sure to tie yourself down somehow. Or use magnetic boots, or jetpacks. Just be careful. You don't want to know what happened to a guy who didn't back home.
We try not to talk about him.
Poor Georgia.
The fun part about zero-G is trying to eat and drink in it. If you're not really careful, you'll end up chasing your food around the room like a demented guppy.
Packets and straws will be your best friends.
Between that and strapping yourself down to a bed to sleep, you'll feel just like we're back at the retirement home.
Just not that shit in the squeeze tubes... avoid that stuff.
Luckily for all of you, it looks like we're not going to be on the station until tomorrow. So use today to practice wearing your totally useless silver suits, because they're not going to do anything if you get sucked out into space.
Yeeeeeah, you might want to spend that time writing your will.
And that should probably be enough to get you all started. Man, it's been way too long since I was in space. Can't wait to get back up there.
Hold on, guys, I think I'm getting the hang of these rocket skis. [There's a crashing noise in the background.] This is going to suck.
Well, I hope you've all learned a lot about space and, maybe, a little bit about yourself. This is Freelancer York, signing off.
I'm South Dakota, fucking awesome Space Stealth compeitor and future winner - same stupid planet.
I'm Freelancer North Dakota, and I'm not sure why I'm here, to be honest.
And I'm Church...from where ever the hell this is.
We're here today to tell you about something many of you have heard about, but few have witnessed - until now. Space. The final fronti--oh wait, that's copyrighted.
It's just awesome, you'll see. Right, North?
[Totally unsure...] Right.
For those of you who don't know what space is, it's dark, cold, and has no air. And that seems to be more or less the same for this planet Zargon, too. That means you shouldn't go outside without proper protection. That means a space suit. Of course, it looks like they didn't give us any, so stay inside.
If you do wander otside without protection, your eyeballs will explode. Don't say we didn't warn you.
And no one likes exploded eyeballs...gross.
Guys...
The second thing you have to worry about is no gravity. Now, I know we have gravity here, but once we get up to the station, we're going to be shit out of luck. I hope you've all practiced your Space Sports in zero-G.
[South huffs.] Yeah, Maladict, gravity. Let's see what you think of it when it's not there.
You may not know what gravity is, either. It's what keeps your feet on the ground - so if you have to go out in the zero-gravity environment, make sure to tie yourself down somehow. Or use magnetic boots, or jetpacks. Just be careful. You don't want to know what happened to a guy who didn't back home.
We try not to talk about him.
Poor Georgia.
The fun part about zero-G is trying to eat and drink in it. If you're not really careful, you'll end up chasing your food around the room like a demented guppy.
Packets and straws will be your best friends.
Between that and strapping yourself down to a bed to sleep, you'll feel just like we're back at the retirement home.
Just not that shit in the squeeze tubes... avoid that stuff.
Luckily for all of you, it looks like we're not going to be on the station until tomorrow. So use today to practice wearing your totally useless silver suits, because they're not going to do anything if you get sucked out into space.
Yeeeeeah, you might want to spend that time writing your will.
And that should probably be enough to get you all started. Man, it's been way too long since I was in space. Can't wait to get back up there.
Hold on, guys, I think I'm getting the hang of these rocket skis. [There's a crashing noise in the background.] This is going to suck.
Well, I hope you've all learned a lot about space and, maybe, a little bit about yourself. This is Freelancer York, signing off.
